I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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