i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
