If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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