if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
