if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
