The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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