We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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