just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
