Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
