oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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