I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
