I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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