I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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