the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
