I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
