I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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