I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
