he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize