i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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