tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
