nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
