I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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