It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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