the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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