Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
