I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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