Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
