My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
