How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
