a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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