Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize