I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
