There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
