8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
