2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
