I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
