If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
