I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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