Will you blow on my dice?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
