The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
They have beer where we have blood.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
