Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
