Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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