Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
