come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
