you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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