Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
