what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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