i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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