Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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