the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
