so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
