I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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