Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
