I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
