Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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