you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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