I'm eating all of the evidence.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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