a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
