I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
