ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Never underestimate the power of titties
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
