i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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