K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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