wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
