I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I supernannyed him into submission
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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